Most of us would stop working if we could. We always crave for it, but that’s about as far as we get-dreaming. Working a 9-5 just seems inescapable. I, Rey Pugon, however am a master at defying the inescapable. I look closely ‘The Ineluctable’ right in the face and call him dirty names. I say, if you want to stop working, QUIT WORKING; I’ll even give you 5 reasons why you should.
1. If you stop working you’ll have more time to devote to reading articles such as this. That will make me a trademark name down at the Unemployment and Welfare offices. My fame is a simple price in achieving your dreams. You’ll think of this when you see me on the ‘Today Show’.
2. There’s a great feeling in quitting your job. For about 10 minutes you’ll be on cloud nine, you’ll be on top of the world, you’ll have a good life, you’ll be: -insert your own cliche here-. Then you’ll start worrying about the car note, the mortgage, the kid’s school clothes, groceries, and how you’re going to pay that $850 you owe the Petermanns for running over their mailbox and a whole row of prize-winning azaleas. All this will probably depress you to the point of assisted suicide, but at least you had 10 minutes of freedom.
3. TV shows during the day is some of the most exciting and fascinating television around. You’ll wonder how come you get to survive without all those documentaries, quality soap operas, judge shows, talk shows, and judge shows where you suspect that the judge has beed paid. Combine this with all the informative TV ads that are shown during the day that will ”Teach you to drive a tractor trailer in 4 days’, ‘Allow you to get a degree from home’, ‘Show you how to make $1,000 a day stuffing envelopes’, in such exciting fields as GED preparation and septic tank scrubber’ and you’ll not just think why you didn’t leave your job sooner, you’ll also vow to never work again.
4. In your formerly employed state you missed all those important calls from collection agencies and other bill collectors. Now that you have resigned you’ll be able to sit at home in eager anticipation of these oh-so-important calls. Toss in a few telemarketers, calls from various associations begging for donations, and a few of those computers that call you and ask you to ‘Hold for an important message’ and you’ll have to sit back and relax answering these calls. It’s like having a job again, without getting a salary.
5. Forcing yourself out of bed daily at 5:45 in the morning is not good for your health. Your doctor will be happy to know that you care enough for your body to go as far as quitting your job. He won’t see you anymore, however, since you don’t have health insurance. We have free clinics though, and you don’t have to worry. Sitting all day in a damp clinic waiting room next to two teenagers with stage 3 Chlamydia is yet another experience you would have missed out on if you had kept your day job.
There you have it folks. 5 raesons why you should go out and leave your job. Have a free feeling to say these to your employer when you turn in your two weeks notice. If she wants to know where you came across such valuable information say to her that unselfish friend provided them to you, and all I wanted in return was that you think of me next time you need your septic tank scrubbed…
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